TWO FRIENDS (JOKE)

A guy asked his frnd 2 spend d nite wit him,as there were sleepin d owner of d house was dreamin dat his frnd was runin after him wit a cutlass and him wake up and saw his frnd lukin at him and d next tin he said was dat, 4 ur mind o u sabi run.

AKPORS AND BANK MANAGER

Akpors Lost His Cheque Book.

As Mr Akpors lost his cheque booklet, He decided to go to the bank after 2 days to report. Here is the conversation between him and the bank manager.

Bank manager : But I warned you to be careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature.

Akpors I am not a fool, I have already signed all the cheques, so they won't have space to forge my signature!

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HAKUNA MATATA (JOKE)

"One day a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building,
 
when someone ran into his office and shouted,
 
Stanley your daughter Stella, just died in an accident right opposite this
 building.
 
The gentleman was in panic,
 
not knowing what to do,
 
jumped out through his office window.
 
While falling down near the 14t...h floor,
 
he remembered he doesn't have a daughter named Stella,
 
when he was close to the 7th floor,
 
he remembered he was not even married,
 
when he was about to hit the ground,
 
he remembered he was not even Stanley".
 
Well this is what stress can do.
 
Take things easy and relax as much as u can. work can be fun?
 
As u go into a new week, try and make it as stress free as u can, ok?
 
(Hakuna matata........have a great week)

How 18-year-Old Girl Escaped From Ritualists’ Den

 

 

18 year-old girl, Miss Ladi Okoro who works at Mararaba, a suburb of Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, must have heard tales of how people fall victims of ritualists, yet she had not experienced one until Wednesday, 6th March, 2013 when some ritualists picked her and 2 others from Mopol Junction in Mararaba, after the young girl had closed from work.
Ladi who narrated her experience in the hands of the ritualists to DailyPost said she could only remember when the driver of the red taxi that picked them from the junction stopped for them to get into the car.
According to Ladi, it was like a movie scene as she only realized she was in trouble when she woke up midnight to discover that she was not in the house but in the midst of some strange faces.
“All I remembered at that point was when I got into that car. After then, we all slept off, and the driver of the red taxi took us far into the bush. I woke up midnight to realize that I was in a strange place. We met 5 other victims, but they were all ‘dead’ asleep”.
Ladi said the moment she realized that she was at the wrong place, she began to pray alongside one of the girls who boarded the same taxi.
“When I realized that I was in the wrong place, I quickly went into meditation and prayer. I told God that it was not yet time for me to die. We both refused to sleep.
When others were sleeping, we were crying and praying. They put guns on our head and asked us to keep quiet. We were never ready to give up as we continued to pray even in silence.
Fortunately for me, they stepped out of the uncompleted building, then my phone rang. I summoned courage to speak to my people. I had told them what had happened before the conversation was cut short, as the ritualists rushed into the building to cease all our phones, warning me and the other girl to remain quiet or we would be killed.”
“However, we did not stop crying and praying. Our persistent prayers put them off balance.”
Disclosing how both of them were freed, Ladi said ” We cried and prayed till the next day, and at about 9am, the ritualists had a brief meeting and threw our bags out of the building.
We walked round the bush, trying to trace our way back to town.
However, we came out at one express way, where we discovered that we had gone far into Kefi forest. We were helped by some good Nigerians.
A young boy who claimed he knew where the ritualists operate had volunteered to take the police to the uncompleted building. Though, we didn’t go with them again, we were told that the men had vacated the building before the police got there.”
Speaking on the fate of the other six they left at the place, Ladi said “I really pity them. They didn’t even know what was happening. They were deeasleep. Now that the police said they have vacated the uncompleted building, I really don’t know what must have happened to them. They could be killed.
I just pray nothing happens to them.”
Among the other six victims, Ladi said they were 4 young women and 2 young men.
When DailyPost visited one of the police stations around Kefi, in Nasarawa state, the police disclosed that they were told about the incident, and efforts were on top gear to rescue the remaining victims.
Ladi has since been reunited with her family after they had suffered much trauma

Another Student Killed as LASU Cult war Gets Bloodier.

Barely one week after Damino Damoche, the final year student of the Lagos State University, Ojo, was killed by suspected cultists in front of the institution’s gate, another student was Thursday, murdered by suspected cultists on reprisal attack.
Although the deceased identified as Karim Abiodun, was reportedly not a student of LASU, but he was alleged to be a member of Buccaneer confraternity, whose members were said to be at war with members of the Eiye confraternity.
Report said the cultists stormed Karim’s home located on Afolabi street around PPL in Okokomaiko area at about 4a.m yesterday, from where he was chased to Peoples bus-stop around Ajagbandi and shot dead.
The late Karim, a second year student of Economic Education at the Lagos State College of Education, LACOED, would be the second person to be killed during reprisal attacks by warring cultists since the death of Damoche.
The first person shot dead, was identified simply as Kabiru. He was reportedly killed in the presence of his mother and siblings at their Abeokuta street home, also around PPL, Sunday night.
The Police as gathered, have arrested a member of a vigilante group in the area in connection with yesterday’s killing.
The suspect whose identity could not be immediately ascertained, reportedly admitted to have seen when the late Karim was being chased. He was also said to have identified one of the assailants .
Meantime, students of other institutions living around PPL have vacated their homes for fear of same fate befalling them.
Following the recent development, President of the Lagos State University Students’ Union, Comrade Ibrahim Agomeji, has advised students to vacate off-campus hostels within PPL, Iba, Casidi, Franklass and Igbo-elerin..
According to him: “This became imperative as the lives and properties of students are no longer secured in these off-campus hostels around the university. It is beyond the powers of the university to provide you with security in your various off-campus hostels. Since the Police and the relevant authorities have failed to do this, I advise you return home to your parents, thereby coming to school from your various homes”, he said

THE SACRIFICE (JOKE)

one day, 4 men went up to a mountain to give a sacrifice to their god. they were nigerian, chinese, enlish, and indian.
english man: "this is for my people". and he jumped down the mountain.
"chinese man: "this is for my people" and he jumped down.
when it was the nigerian's turn, he says: " this is for my people" and he pushes the indian man down the mountain.

THE CHEAT (JOKE)

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?" "No, I didn't know that." The man replied. "So what color are your wife's eyes?" asked the friend. The man replied, "I'm too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out." So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife's eyelid and exclaims, "Oh my God! Brown!" Suddenly, another man pops out from under the covers and exclaims, "How the hell did you know I was here?"

THE CHURCH

there is waz dis pastor wey dey thief church money everytime they're in prayer, he will make sure evry1 close his/ha eyes b4 he will start 2 pray. so one day afta d oferin he ordered evry1 2 close him eye mak dem pray, of course as usual evry1 did, he started prayin............d pastor then deep his hands in2 d oferin bowl pack some money and wen he wanted to put d money into his pocket he opened his eyes to look around he meet eye to eye with one elder who came late, d pastor waz very brave to say BLESSED ARE THOSE THAT SEE AND KEEP QUITE and d elder replied FOR THEY SHALL RECEIVE THEIR REWARD AFTER THE SERMON. as in they will share the money afta d church