Three Americans and three Nigerians are traveling by a US train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch the ride my youth !" answers a Nigerian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Nigerians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".
you go fear...
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
A CALL FROM HELL TO HELL (JOKE)
Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Abacha died and all went straight to hell.
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call?
The devil replied, "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you?
The devil replied, "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody".....
He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call?
The devil replied "One dollar!".
Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar Only one dollar ke??"
The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate".
Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call?
The devil replied, "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you?
The devil replied, "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody".....
He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call?
The devil replied "One dollar!".
Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar Only one dollar ke??"
The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate".
ENJOY NIGERIAN AIRWAYS (JOKE)
I hope you enjoy reading this, it's a bit long but funny. Please enjoy.
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways
NIGERIAN HELL (JOKE)
A man dies and goes to hell.
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides
he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in ... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many
people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for his private business.
My people u go fear hell fire...
There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides
he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in ... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many
people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for his private business.
My people u go fear hell fire...
10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN CHOOSING YOUR PARTNER.
Marriage i feel is an institution without an award certificate, its a process of leaning and understanding, Growth and sacrifice; an unending commitetment between the two couples.
Here are some tips i feel is needing when choosing your man or woman;
1. Dont get married to a man who is mean to all and nize to you alone.
2. Dont get married to a person who dont care about any one else but you.
3. Dont get married to a person who is not ready to correct you.
4. Dont get married to a person who fears you and cant talk to you.
5. Dont correct insult with insult.
6. Dont get married to any person that lacks respect for you.
7. Dont get married to any person who is not commited to God and your relationship.
8. Dont get married to any person who cant notice a need in you; ( material & character )
9. Dont get married to a person you are lusting after.
10. Dont praise your spouse for their anger.
please post your comment...
Here are some tips i feel is needing when choosing your man or woman;
1. Dont get married to a man who is mean to all and nize to you alone.
2. Dont get married to a person who dont care about any one else but you.
3. Dont get married to a person who is not ready to correct you.
4. Dont get married to a person who fears you and cant talk to you.
5. Dont correct insult with insult.
6. Dont get married to any person that lacks respect for you.
7. Dont get married to any person who is not commited to God and your relationship.
8. Dont get married to any person who cant notice a need in you; ( material & character )
9. Dont get married to a person you are lusting after.
10. Dont praise your spouse for their anger.
please post your comment...
YOUR FUTURE, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
Everybody in your situation has the same choice: you can rue your
situation or you can dedicate yourself to changing it. Accept
responsibility for your future. Refuse to complain, criticize, or
condemn."
-- kingsleygalant
situation or you can dedicate yourself to changing it. Accept
responsibility for your future. Refuse to complain, criticize, or
condemn."
-- kingsleygalant
POLICE NO DEY LOOK. (JOKE)
I was driving down the street when a police man stop my car and immediately opened the door enter and jammed it.
As usual he wanted to collect "roja"money from me...Then sudenly he saw the big grown dog at the back of the seat with tongue stuck out angrily staring fiercely at him.
POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You carry dog?
ME: [I bone my face] Yes!
POLICE: [feeling uncomfortable] Na where una come dey come from?
ME: From hospital!
POLICE: [feeling uneasy] Ehen! You sick?
ME: No, na the dog o.
POLICE: [Looks back] Why the dog come dey shake im head like dat?
ME: Oh! Like that? If the dog wan bite person na so e dey shake head o.
POLICE: and the dog know you o?
ME: Yes na, no be me get am?
POLICE: [sweating] This your door how you dey open am?
ME: Open it na, abi u no know as you take enter.
POLICE: Abeg! Na since I notice the dog I don dey try open am.
As usual he wanted to collect "roja"money from me...Then sudenly he saw the big grown dog at the back of the seat with tongue stuck out angrily staring fiercely at him.
POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You carry dog?
ME: [I bone my face] Yes!
POLICE: [feeling uncomfortable] Na where una come dey come from?
ME: From hospital!
POLICE: [feeling uneasy] Ehen! You sick?
ME: No, na the dog o.
POLICE: [Looks back] Why the dog come dey shake im head like dat?
ME: Oh! Like that? If the dog wan bite person na so e dey shake head o.
POLICE: and the dog know you o?
ME: Yes na, no be me get am?
POLICE: [sweating] This your door how you dey open am?
ME: Open it na, abi u no know as you take enter.
POLICE: Abeg! Na since I notice the dog I don dey try open am.
TERM OF THE DAY
full employment
State of economy in which all eligible people who want to work can find employment at prevailin wage rates. However, it does not imply 100% employment because allowances must be made for frictional unemployment and seasonal factors.
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