HAKUNA MATATA (JOKE)

"One day a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building,
 
when someone ran into his office and shouted,
 
Stanley your daughter Stella, just died in an accident right opposite this
 building.
 
The gentleman was in panic,
 
not knowing what to do,
 
jumped out through his office window.
 
While falling down near the 14t...h floor,
 
he remembered he doesn't have a daughter named Stella,
 
when he was close to the 7th floor,
 
he remembered he was not even married,
 
when he was about to hit the ground,
 
he remembered he was not even Stanley".
 
Well this is what stress can do.
 
Take things easy and relax as much as u can. work can be fun?
 
As u go into a new week, try and make it as stress free as u can, ok?
 
(Hakuna matata........have a great week)

How 18-year-Old Girl Escaped From Ritualists’ Den

 

 

18 year-old girl, Miss Ladi Okoro who works at Mararaba, a suburb of Abuja, the Federal Capital Territory, must have heard tales of how people fall victims of ritualists, yet she had not experienced one until Wednesday, 6th March, 2013 when some ritualists picked her and 2 others from Mopol Junction in Mararaba, after the young girl had closed from work.
Ladi who narrated her experience in the hands of the ritualists to DailyPost said she could only remember when the driver of the red taxi that picked them from the junction stopped for them to get into the car.
According to Ladi, it was like a movie scene as she only realized she was in trouble when she woke up midnight to discover that she was not in the house but in the midst of some strange faces.
“All I remembered at that point was when I got into that car. After then, we all slept off, and the driver of the red taxi took us far into the bush. I woke up midnight to realize that I was in a strange place. We met 5 other victims, but they were all ‘dead’ asleep”.
Ladi said the moment she realized that she was at the wrong place, she began to pray alongside one of the girls who boarded the same taxi.
“When I realized that I was in the wrong place, I quickly went into meditation and prayer. I told God that it was not yet time for me to die. We both refused to sleep.
When others were sleeping, we were crying and praying. They put guns on our head and asked us to keep quiet. We were never ready to give up as we continued to pray even in silence.
Fortunately for me, they stepped out of the uncompleted building, then my phone rang. I summoned courage to speak to my people. I had told them what had happened before the conversation was cut short, as the ritualists rushed into the building to cease all our phones, warning me and the other girl to remain quiet or we would be killed.”
“However, we did not stop crying and praying. Our persistent prayers put them off balance.”
Disclosing how both of them were freed, Ladi said ” We cried and prayed till the next day, and at about 9am, the ritualists had a brief meeting and threw our bags out of the building.
We walked round the bush, trying to trace our way back to town.
However, we came out at one express way, where we discovered that we had gone far into Kefi forest. We were helped by some good Nigerians.
A young boy who claimed he knew where the ritualists operate had volunteered to take the police to the uncompleted building. Though, we didn’t go with them again, we were told that the men had vacated the building before the police got there.”
Speaking on the fate of the other six they left at the place, Ladi said “I really pity them. They didn’t even know what was happening. They were deeasleep. Now that the police said they have vacated the uncompleted building, I really don’t know what must have happened to them. They could be killed.
I just pray nothing happens to them.”
Among the other six victims, Ladi said they were 4 young women and 2 young men.
When DailyPost visited one of the police stations around Kefi, in Nasarawa state, the police disclosed that they were told about the incident, and efforts were on top gear to rescue the remaining victims.
Ladi has since been reunited with her family after they had suffered much trauma

Another Student Killed as LASU Cult war Gets Bloodier.

Barely one week after Damino Damoche, the final year student of the Lagos State University, Ojo, was killed by suspected cultists in front of the institution’s gate, another student was Thursday, murdered by suspected cultists on reprisal attack.
Although the deceased identified as Karim Abiodun, was reportedly not a student of LASU, but he was alleged to be a member of Buccaneer confraternity, whose members were said to be at war with members of the Eiye confraternity.
Report said the cultists stormed Karim’s home located on Afolabi street around PPL in Okokomaiko area at about 4a.m yesterday, from where he was chased to Peoples bus-stop around Ajagbandi and shot dead.
The late Karim, a second year student of Economic Education at the Lagos State College of Education, LACOED, would be the second person to be killed during reprisal attacks by warring cultists since the death of Damoche.
The first person shot dead, was identified simply as Kabiru. He was reportedly killed in the presence of his mother and siblings at their Abeokuta street home, also around PPL, Sunday night.
The Police as gathered, have arrested a member of a vigilante group in the area in connection with yesterday’s killing.
The suspect whose identity could not be immediately ascertained, reportedly admitted to have seen when the late Karim was being chased. He was also said to have identified one of the assailants .
Meantime, students of other institutions living around PPL have vacated their homes for fear of same fate befalling them.
Following the recent development, President of the Lagos State University Students’ Union, Comrade Ibrahim Agomeji, has advised students to vacate off-campus hostels within PPL, Iba, Casidi, Franklass and Igbo-elerin..
According to him: “This became imperative as the lives and properties of students are no longer secured in these off-campus hostels around the university. It is beyond the powers of the university to provide you with security in your various off-campus hostels. Since the Police and the relevant authorities have failed to do this, I advise you return home to your parents, thereby coming to school from your various homes”, he said

THE SACRIFICE (JOKE)

one day, 4 men went up to a mountain to give a sacrifice to their god. they were nigerian, chinese, enlish, and indian.
english man: "this is for my people". and he jumped down the mountain.
"chinese man: "this is for my people" and he jumped down.
when it was the nigerian's turn, he says: " this is for my people" and he pushes the indian man down the mountain.

THE CHEAT (JOKE)

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?" "No, I didn't know that." The man replied. "So what color are your wife's eyes?" asked the friend. The man replied, "I'm too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out." So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife's eyelid and exclaims, "Oh my God! Brown!" Suddenly, another man pops out from under the covers and exclaims, "How the hell did you know I was here?"

THE CHURCH

there is waz dis pastor wey dey thief church money everytime they're in prayer, he will make sure evry1 close his/ha eyes b4 he will start 2 pray. so one day afta d oferin he ordered evry1 2 close him eye mak dem pray, of course as usual evry1 did, he started prayin............d pastor then deep his hands in2 d oferin bowl pack some money and wen he wanted to put d money into his pocket he opened his eyes to look around he meet eye to eye with one elder who came late, d pastor waz very brave to say BLESSED ARE THOSE THAT SEE AND KEEP QUITE and d elder replied FOR THEY SHALL RECEIVE THEIR REWARD AFTER THE SERMON. as in they will share the money afta d church

A MIRACLE (JOKE)

One day, baba sege was so lucky to come across a fairy, he was really nice to her, so she decide to pay him back. she then proceeded to ask him wat he wanted. in reply, baba sege said he wanted to look like Atiku( as in look handsome), to which the fairy hissed and said'' i asked you to name a favour not a miracle''

NIGERIAN WOMAN (JOKE)

Naija women could be smart u know...
A plane was about to crash and 3 women were planning how they would be rescued after the crash. The jewish woman put on her expensive diamonds...''the rescuers will see the sparkle and rescue me first'' she reasoned. The French woman started applying her make-up..''well, I hope they see all the colour combination and they get to rescue me first''.
The Nigeria woman stripped Unclad just a few seconds to the crash. ''Why did u do that?'' the other ladies asked her.
''Well, everybody knows that the first thing they look for after a plane crash is...the black box!''

Two teenagers rape 6 year old sister to death in Delta state

Two teenagers rape 6 year old sister to death in Delta state

A 19-year-old boy, Felix Inia and his 16-year-old brother, Stanley are now cooling their heels at the headquarters of the Delta State Police Command, Asaba, for allegedly defiling their six-year-old stepsister, Precious Kankamor. The incident, which eventually led to the death of the victim, occurred at Ogbe-Ijoh community, Warri South Local Government Area of the state. The suspects were said to have had carnal knowledge of the minor by forcefully penetrating her, which led to severe injuries in the victim’s private part.
Besides the injuries sustained after the alleged sexual abuse, little Miss Precious later developed protruding stomach, leading to medical complications that eventually cut short the life of the victim. Investigation revealed that the suspects’ mother got married to the father of the deceased after her first marriage ended with the death of Mr. Inia. The now embattled mother moved into her new marriage with her teenage sons, who unsuspecting, had eyes on little Miss Precious immediately they stepped into their new home.
They allegedly carried out their ignoble mission last month when they were left with the victim at home while others had gone out for the day’s activities. According to a police source, the younger Inia, Stanley, allegedly lured his elder brother, Felix, into the act. “The younger brother said he sold the idea to his elder brother. He (Stanley) assured his brother that there was nothing to be afraid of and that he (Stanley) had been doing it with other children in the area,” the source told Daily Sun. Public Relations Officer of the command, ASP Famous Ajieh, confirmed the arrest of the suspects, adding that they would be charged to court as soon as investigation was concluded.
Ajieh said the command was also investigating four suspects who were arrested during a raid on suspected criminal hideouts in Kwale in which one Improvised Explosive Device (IED) and nine live cartridges were recovered. Besides, Ajieh stated that the command’s special patrol team code-named Dragon 11 also attached to Kwale axis, while on routine patrol, intercepted two men on motorcycle who had in their possession one brownie pistol with tempered breech number. According to him, one of the suspects, Chukwudi Nwafor has admitted ownership of the firearm, which he claimed he bought in Jos, adding, however, that the matter was still under investigation.
FROM SUNNEWSONLINE

 

WWE Legend, Paul Bearer DEAD at 58

Paul Bearer — the spooky WWE manager who helped introduce The Undertaker – died Tuesday evening at the age of 58 .this according to the WWE.
Bearer — real name “Bill” Moody — joined the WWE in 1990 … playing the role of a creepy funeral director who managed various wrestling stars … including Undertaker, Kane, Rick Rude, Vader and Mankind.
The details surrounding Bearer’s death are unclear — but he reportedly suffered from serious health problems over the past decade … including morbid obesity and gallbladder issues. R.I.P.
The WWE released a statement saying -“WWE is saddened to learn of the passing of William Moody, aka Paul Bearer.”
“Moody made his WWE debut in 1991 as the manager of The Undertaker and went on to become a memorable part of WWE over the course of the next 20 years. Our deepest condolences go out to Moody’s family, friends and fans.

 

S*H*O*C*K*I*N*G! Attack Jonathan As He Visit Borno & Yobe – Nigerian Dan Arewa.

Mr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan is visiting your stronghold today and tomorrow, we all expect your suicide bombers to prove to us that you are not fighting the common man”.
We were shocked by the post from a group, Nigerian Dan Arewa soliciting for Boko Haram Suicide bombers to use the opportunity of President Goodluck Jonathan’s visit to Yobe and Borno to attack the President to prove they are not fighting the people.
They have been distributing this post in other bigger pages, group on the social media to ensure that it goes viral.
This is Nigerian Dan Arewa’s Post;- (www.facebook.com/nigerian.forjustice)
Dear Mr Abubakar Shekau,
It is unusual to write you this short letter which i find it necessary.
I have been following your group’s violent campaign especially in Yobe and Borno state.
I observed that most of the casualties are people of humble background. And in most cases you personally take responsibility and affirm that you are fighting the government.
My dear Shekau, here is an opportunity to prove to the oppressed masses that you are actually fighting the government; The Number one person in the government of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, Mr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan is visiting your stronghold today and tomorrow, we all expect your suicide bombers to prove to us that you are not fighting the common man.
If that could not be achieve in this two days, we will all agree that you and your group are cowards aimed at frustrating and shedding the blood of the masses.
Finally, i pray for the end of this violent arm struggle of your group. May the souls of all that lost their lives rest in peace.
Yours in the North
Nigerian Dan Arewa.
This is shame. The idea that people are pushing their hatred and political difference to this extreme height is deplorable

Africa’s richest woman, Folorunsho Alakija, owns N18b UK property

 

According to a report released last weekend by American lifestyle magazine, Vanity Fair, Nigerian oil Tycoon, Mrs Folorunsho Alakija owns five apartments in London’s One Hyde Park, the world’s most expensive apartment block.
Vanity Fair in their report wrote that Mrs Alakija owns five apartments in the 6,000 pounds-per-square-feet apartment block which she bought at a combined fee of $123 million (N18.4billion), making her the second highest property owner in the upmarket area after Rinat Akhmetov, Ukraine’s richest man and owner of Ukranian football club, Shaktar Donesk, whose property is valued at $215.9 million.
Others who own property at One Hyde Park include some of the richest men in Britain, Russia, Taiwan, sheiks from UAE, Naomi Campbell’s boyfriend Vladislav Doronin also owns an apartment there.
According to the investigation by tax haven expert, Nicholas Shaxton, who wrote the report for Vanity Fair, just 17 of the 76 sold apartments are primary residences. Because the property owners are so wealthy, many of them have other homes and do not use their exclusive Hyde Park address as their permanent home. Shaxton also revealed that many of the owners use offshore companies to buy the homes to enable them hide their identity.

 

People Should Stop Marrying Me Off To Men – Nollywood Actress

Nollywood actress & winner of the third edition of Amstel Malta Box Office (AMBO) competition, Bhaira Mcwizu is telling whoever cares to listen that she is back and better.
The actress has decided to clear the issue of her being married and wants those behind it to stop the rumours.
According to her: I would like to use this very important medium to tell people to stop marrying me off to somebody. I am not married, I beg you.
I’m not married. This ring was made by me. It is a part of my jewelry collection. I am not married. I am happily not married. So that is for real.
I told myself that if they say I am pregnant, if it’s true it will show. If it’s not true it won’t show. Abi dem dey hide pregnancy?

Nigerian artiste Zara Gretti battles Multiple Sclerosis

 

The singer revealed her condition to her fans on Twitter.
Fast-rising eccentric singer, Zara Gretti, has been off the radar for a while due to complications from multiple sclerosis (MS), an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord.
MS affects women more than men.
Zara’s recently revealed her condition via a series of posts, including a recent picture of herself, on her Twitter page. The once-chubby singer who was born and raised in the US is now a shadow of her former self. In her tweets, Zara disclosed that she is currently experiencing poor vision in both eyes and is suffering from memory loss and tremors. She added that she is receiving treatment in the US.
The artiste whose real name is Margaret Mary Oluwatoyin Ejiro Joseph first got on the Nigerian music scene with her successful single “Aboko Ku” in early 2011. Later that same year, in October, she released the catchy “Teno”. Her sense of style in her videos and public outings is similar to that of the late flamboyant singer, Goldie.
Zara was not signed on to any record label but was once managed by 9ice’s estranged wife, Toni Payne. She launched a web docu-reality series “The Zara Gretti Chronicles” back in 2011, just before she dropped off the radar.
About Multiple Scleorosis:
According to the US National Library of Science, multiple sclerosis (MS) is an autoimmune disease that affects women more than men. It is most commonly diagnosed between ages 20 and 40, but can be seen at any age.
MS is caused by damage to the myelin sheath, the protective covering that surrounds nerve cells. When this nerve covering is damaged, nerve signals slow down or stop.
The nerve damage is caused by an inflammation that results from an attack on the nervous system by the body’s own immune cells. This can occur along any area of the brain, optic nerve, and spinal cord.
It is unknown what exactly causes this to happen. The most common thought is that a virus, gene defect or both are to blame. Environmental factors may play a role. An individual is slightly more likely to get this condition if they have a family history of MS or live in a part of the world where MS is more common

MUSA AUDU (JOKE)

A group of scientists organised a competition to test the intelligence of Nigerian students in inventing things. 3 students qualified for the final. On d day of d final they were called out from the crowd to come and present what they had invented. The 1st student came out and said; i am Yomi Ade from Lagos, i invented a biro that can write what people are saying on a paper itself. He practicalise it and was applauded. The 2nd student came out; I am Amarachi Ogbuefi from Aba. I invented a chip that can tell the amount of money on anybody standing close to it. She practicalised it and was applauded. The 3rd student came out and said; I am Musa Audu from Maiduguri. I invented an explosive that can shatter the human body into a million pieces, penetrating the hardest of bones. Can you allow me to sit down, while i practicalise it?. The Chief Scientist stood up and said; don't bother to practicalise it, you are the winner of this competition.

PRAYER FOR DINNER (JOKE)

Last night @ dinner, 6yrs old Jude was asked by his dad 2 lead in prayer, he replied but dad i dont know what 2 pray, ok Just pray 4 us, ur family members and everyone here. His dadsaid, then Jude starteddear Lord, thank u 4 giving me such lovely parents. Thanks 4 our visitors and their children who came 2day and finished all my cookies and ice cream, bless them so that they won't come again, 4give our neighbour's son, who remove my sister's clothes 4rm her body this afternoon and wrestled with her on her bed. Lord God,this coming xmas, pls sendclothes 2 all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's laptop andprovide shelter 4 d homeless men who use mummy's room when daddy is @ work. Bless d diner...

AJEGUNLE PIKIN (JOKE)

A boy returns a missing purse to
d owner in a market. The lady
was so grateful but when she
looked inside, she got confused &
said,
"but I had a single one thousand
naira note, now there are ten
pieces of hundred naira note,
how come?
The boy said, "na me change am,
the last time wey I help person
find purse, she say she for give
me something but change nor
dey!!

LADY WITH LARGE BOSOMS (JOKE)

A lady with large bosoms enters
a bus. She has a rosary around
her neck
wit d cross in btw her big bosom
and d guy sitting beside her can't
just
stop starring at her. Realizing dt
he had been starring for over 10
minutes, d lady, touching d
rosary asks d guy; "Are you
looking at Jesus
Christ who was crucified on d
cross?" The guy replies; "No, I'm
actually
looking at the two thieves
crucified beside Him" lolz!

I Only Have Sex With Married Men To Help Their Marriages

 

Serial mistress Lee Romain reckons married men make better lovers – and insists that far from wrecking marriages, her flings actually improve her fellas’ relationships.
The 44-year-old business consultant says: “I prefer them because they’ve only had one woman to please for a very long time before they meet me — and it’s much easier to perfect their skill.
“Married men are wonderful — they tell you that you are beautiful, they take you out for delicious meals, they give you presents and have lovely manners, as they are well trained by their wives.
“Because so many of the men I meet hardly get any sex from their wives they are so grateful in bed and they really want to please you. I’m definitely not looking to split up marriages — I think I actually enhance them.
“Some of the men I see say their marriages are much better because they are having sex with me. They go home much happier to their wives. One man stopped seeing me because his sex life with his wife improved so much.”
Lee started having affairs with married men after her partner, who was 28 years her senior, became impotent through illness. He finally died after they had been together eight years.
She recalls: “I am a very lively and attractive woman and the lack of sex was driving me crazy. I even took up running marathons to try to get rid of my sexual energy.
“Then I found an extra-marital website which caters for married people who want affairs, but not to destroy their marriages.
“It was ideal — I got all the fun of a date, fabulous sex with a very grateful man and none of the responsibility of a relationship.
“I didn’t feel guilty then and I don’t feel guilty now. After my partner died, instead of looking for a new relationship with a single man, I prefer to date married men.”
Londoner Lee has had affairs with seven married men since 2010 and says: “I’m currently seeing a businessman who is in his late 50s, who lives outside London.
“He’s married with children. He doesn’t want a divorce and that is so important to me.
“If a married man I am seeing says he wants a divorce I run a mile and end it straight away.
“I have no intention of getting caught up in a divorce. I don’t see myself as a husband stealer and I never feel guilty.
“I am really busy with work and don’t have the time to give to a proper relationship. I see my married lover twice a month and we really make the most of those two days. We always meet at a hotel, usually in central London, and it’s primarily about the sex.
“We go out for a meal but we both know why we are there. I get hassle-free, fantastic sex and I am wined and dined by men who are lovely to me, treat me really well and don’t make any demands on me.
“I aim to have a monogamous relationship with a married man but I always keep my eyes open for attractive new men joining the site. I will meet them for lunch to see if they have potential.
“There are so many more women like me around. I am financially independent, adore sex and am looking to have a lot of fun without all the ties of a full-time relationship.
“The internet has made infidelity so accessible and, believe me, it’s happening a lot. So many people are joining these websites because it is so easy. And if you are careful, you won’t get caught. The men I meet aren’t sleazy — they are normal men who aren’t getting enough sex at home and want to have problem-free, mind-blowing sexual fun with an attractive woman like me.”
And it seems there are more and more men willing to fulfil Lee’s desires.
Recent research by an extra-marital affairs website reveals that more than 25 per cent of married men — as well as more than 18 per cent of married women — have cheated at least once in the past year.
And most cheaters now meet their partners via the web.
With more than a million married men registered online, Lee is just one of the women happy to meet their needs.
In fact the alternative — meeting unattached men — fills Lee with horror. She says: “Single men my age — in their 40s — are a nightmare. They tend to have multiple lovers and are very selfish in bed. They only think of their own gratification, and they are so rude. If they don’t get what they want from you, they’ll just roll over and ring someone else and get her to come over.
“They have a tremendous amount of baggage. Often they have been through a hideous divorce and they have no money.
“They insist on you paying 50/50 for a meal, then they moan on about their ex-wife and not seeing their kids. A lot of men my age seem to be having a mid-life crisis and are very angry.
“I don’t want all that hassle — I want fun, problem-free dates with fantastic sex. I don’t want to listen to a man my age whingeing on about his ex or looking over my shoulder to keep his options open. I like to keep it airy and light, and have a laugh. Men who go on extra-marital websites are just looking for great sex. In my experience, they join because their wives won’t have sex with them or indulge their fantasies.”
Lee adds that the internet has made cheating very easy for bored men and says: “If I was married, I’d keep a very close eye on my husband. It is incredible how many offers I get online.
“My inbox is bursting with emails from men wanting to set up a date.
“For example, this weekend, I am having lunch with a gorgeous new married man, then I am meeting my long-term married lover for dinner in a smart restaurant.
“I’m very naughty, I love to surprise my married lovers. I am taking my latest to a private sex party which will be held at a discreet address in London. These are invite -only parties, held in residential houses. They are aimed at men looking for outrageous sexual fun and women who are bisexual or bi-curious.
“I started going to these parties a few years ago and found them to be the most amazing fun. I love to take very inexperienced married men, their eyes are out on stalks.
“You can dress in the most outrageous manner — I’ll wear sexy lingerie, with a mask with feathers on it.
“The men become extremely aroused — when we go back to our hotel, they are animals in bed. When they first go to the parties they just stare. Then gradually they get more involved as women start kissing and touching them.
“It’s a very erotic experience. I am an exhibitionist so I have no problem with being sexually aggressive with women at the parties.
“And when my married lovers have been once, they definitely want to go again.”

Would Rather Date A Charming Married Man Than An Annoying Single Guy” – Actress Amaka Anioji

Would Rather Date A Charming Married Man Than An Annoying Single Guy” – Actress Amaka Anioji

 

Fast rising Nollywood Actress Amaka Anioji in a recent interview has opened up about her preference for a man who would respect and treat her like woman, irrespective of the man’s marital status.
When asked if she could date a married man, her response was:
“Well, it is frustrating. It can be tempting sometimes when you meet married men who are really very charming especially, when you have dated a single guy who is very annoying. You run into a married man who is good looking and experienced, you would be tempted to fall in love with him.
But for me, I will always think of how dating a married man will affect people’s perception about me. Afterall, I am not going to marry the person but I’m more concerned about what people are going to say. I also considered how that thing will affect my relationship with God. Though it can be very juicy, I consider all that. I like to work and earn my living, it gives me joy.”