THREE NIGERIANS (JOKE)

Three Americans and three Nigerians are traveling by a US train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch the ride my youth !" answers a Nigerian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Nigerians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".

you go fear...

A CALL FROM HELL TO HELL (JOKE)

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Abacha died and all went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.

She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call?

The devil replied, "Five million dollars"

She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you?

The devil replied, "Ten million dollars"

With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody".....

He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call?

The devil replied "One dollar!".

Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar Only one dollar ke??"

The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate".

ENJOY NIGERIAN AIRWAYS (JOKE)

 I hope you enjoy reading this, it's a bit long but funny. Please enjoy.

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Boniface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the south. If luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with great pleasure; I announce that since starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Al Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this plane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seatbelt. For those of you who can’t find a seatbelt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat …and for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
Enjoy Nigeria Airways

NIGERIAN HELL (JOKE)

A man dies and goes to hell.

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides
he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in ... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many
people waiting to get in?" asks the man.

"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for his private business.

My people u go fear hell fire...

10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN CHOOSING YOUR PARTNER.

Marriage i feel is an institution without an award certificate, its a process of leaning and understanding, Growth and sacrifice; an unending commitetment between the two couples.
Here are some tips i feel is needing when choosing your man or woman;

1. Dont get married to a man who is mean to all and nize to you alone.

2. Dont get married to a person who dont care about any one else but you.

3. Dont get married to a person who is not ready to correct you.

4. Dont get married to a person who fears you and cant talk to you.

5. Dont correct insult with insult.

6. Dont get married to any person that lacks respect for you.

7. Dont get married to any person who is not commited to God and your relationship.

8. Dont get married to any person who cant notice a need in you; ( material & character )

9. Dont get married to a person you are lusting after.

10. Dont praise your spouse for their anger.

please post your comment...

YOUR FUTURE, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

Everybody in your situation has the same choice: you can rue your
situation or you can dedicate yourself to changing it. Accept
responsibility for your future. Refuse to complain, criticize, or
condemn."

-- kingsleygalant

POLICE NO DEY LOOK. (JOKE)

I was driving down the street when a police man stop my car and immediately opened the door enter and jammed it.

As usual he wanted to collect "roja"money from me...Then sudenly he saw the big grown dog at the back of the seat with tongue stuck out angrily staring fiercely at him.

POLICE: [shakin] Ah! You carry dog?

ME: [I bone my face] Yes!
POLICE: [feeling uncomfortable] Na where una come dey come from?
ME: From hospital!
POLICE: [feeling uneasy] Ehen! You sick?
ME: No, na the dog o.
POLICE: [Looks back] Why the dog come dey shake im head like dat?
ME: Oh! Like that? If the dog wan bite person na so e dey shake head o.
POLICE: and the dog know you o?
ME: Yes na, no be me get am?
POLICE: [sweating] This your door how you dey open am?
ME: Open it na, abi u no know as you take enter.
POLICE: Abeg! Na since I notice the dog I don dey try open am.

TERM OF THE DAY

 

full employment

State of economy in which all eligible people who want to work can find employment at prevailin wage rates. However, it does not imply 100% employment because allowances must be made for frictional unemployment and seasonal factors.

A COUPLE NITE OUT (JOKE)

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn’t know what costume she’d be wearing, she thought she’d have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn’t around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her
husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all!
Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said “Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you’re not there.” Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “You know, I didn’t dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you…from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!”

What a crazy experience...

AKPOS A GHANIAN (JOKE)

Akpos, a Ghanian, just got admission into one of the Nigerian institutions. At the first day of lecture, the following conversation erupted…..

The Lecturer said, “let’s begin by reviewing some Nigerian history.” The Lecturer asked who said, “I shall return to die in the land of my fathers?”
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Akpos, who had his hand up. Akpos replied: “King Jaja of Opobo, 1875″”very good!” said lecturer.
Then, she asked again, who said, “The land use act will feed the nation?” Again, no response except from Akpos:”Obasanjo , 1976.”The Lecturer snapped at the class; “class, you should be ashamed. Akpos, who is new to our Country, knows more about our history than you do.”
The Lecturer heard a loud whisper:”Ghana must go”. “who said that?” shedemanded, Akpos put his hand up,”Buhari 1984.” At that point, a student at the back scornfully said;”Hmmm, you think you are smart?”
The Lecturer glared and asked; “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Akpos said,”Babangida to Abiola,1992.” Hmmm, a Student at the back smilled “I dey laugh ooh” Akpos smilled back and said Obasanjo to Atiku 2001. Now furious, another student yelled;”Oh yeah! Eat this!” Akpos jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the Lecturer,”India n mistress giving an apple to Abacha, 1998″
Now, with almost mob hyseria, someone said; “You little poo. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Akpos frantically yelled at the top of his voice; “Chris Uba to Ngige, 2004!” The Lecturer fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said; “Oh poo, we’re in Big trouble now!” Akpos whispered; “Chimaroke Nnamani, Ayodele Fayose and Lucky Igbinedon 2007″ Someone angrily said; “Dont answer him, he is a fool” Akpos smiled nd replied; “Obansanjo to IBB, 2011″ Now,
the Lecturer managed to get up and asked Akpos; pls, who’re you? Show your self.. Akpos jumped, yelled and said; Jonathan to BOKO HARAM, 2012

AKPOS AND BONKE (JOKE)

Rev. Reinhard Bonke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel.
Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were not catching up seriously.
He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were looking blank.
Akpomiemie answered “sir, dem no understand your big English”.
Reinhard Bonke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie for assistance
This is what ensued:
Reinhard Bonke: “As it is written in the bible”
Akpomiemie: “As dem yarn for bible side”
Reinhard Bonke: “Jesus entered the boat with his disciples”
Akpomiemie: “Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles”
Reinhard Bonke: “As the boat was sailing there was a great storm”
Akpomiemie: ” As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas”
Reinhard Bonke: ” the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind”
Akpomiemie: “the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter”
Reinhard Bonke: ” the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master”
Akpomiemie: “naim liver drop him palles,dem begin hala bros bros”
Reinhard Bonke: “Jesus got up and calmed down the wind”
Akpomiemie: “Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa”
Reinhard Bonke: ” He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith”
Akpomiemie: Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND ”
Reinhard Bonke: the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?
Akpomiemie: him palles come hala say sho, bro J, which levels? ,YOU BE WINSH?”

post your comment...

PYGMY WHALE WASHED UP ASHORE

Yesterday and endangered specie, the pygmy Whale, washed up ashore still alive at the Lekki Beach in Lagos. Unfortunately for the whale and conservationists, local residents wasted no time in butchering the whale for its meat!

BEYONCE AND JAY Z NO LONGER LIVING TOGETHER

Beyonce and Jay Z’s marriage might not be as happy as they want fans to believe.
According to Beyonce’s credit report, which was obtained by a Russian website, the singer owns a luxury condo in Miami — which she uses as her official address!
The website, Exposed.su, posted the confidential credit reports of top shelf celebrities and notables, including Beyonce, her aging husband Jay Z; First Lady Michelle Obama, Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian, Mel Gibson and others.
Beyonce G Knowles, 31, apparently filed for credit (or a loan) and listed her official address as the entire 18th floor at 1450 Brickell Ave, Miami, FL 33131. Anyone who is familiar with Brickell avenue knows that it is the playground of the rich and famous.
Beyonce, whose social security number, date of birth and phone numbers are also listed on the Russian website, is obligated to give her official address when applying for credit, like everyone else.
It’s interesting that she gave the Miami address rather than her NY address where she ves with Jay Z, 45, and the couple’s daughter, Blue Ivy, 1.
This fuels rumors that Jay Z and Beyonce’s marriage is just a sham to cover up reports that the rap mogul and former NFL star Larry Johnson, 33, may still be lovers.

EXPERIMENTS (JOKE)

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

AKPOS AND FRIEND

Akpos and his two friends attended a party and got themselfs drunk......On there way home they chatted a cab(taxi).When they entered, they told the driver there destination..The driver noticing that they were drunk started his car and turned it off..He turned and told them that have arrieved at their destination......they paid the taxi driver his money,, and he was happy that his plan worked... to his grtest suprise while AKPOS was coming down he gave him a sound slap....the driver thought that Akpos knew what he did but decided to ask Akpos why the slap and Akpos answerd ``YOU ALMOST KILLED US````

Charles Inojie & Baby: Any Resemblance?

 

We broke the story that Abuja based Lynn was supposedly pregnant for the actor when she was a few weeks due in 2012 and then again i broke the story of the baby’s birth and also talked with the actor who was then engaged to be married.
He wasn’t sure the baby was his. A few months into the birth of her child,Lynn accused me of writing the story to favour Charles and not caring about the baby who needed a father. Click below to continue.
I published her response to Charles where she dared him to go for fatherhood test.
I don’t think that both are in contact but this is what Lynn’s baby looks like .
Any Resemblance between Charles Inojie and this little beautiful Angel?
She is so beautiful and it is so sad she is caught up in all this mess.
So whats your honest opinion?
Please no cursing out,we are trying to soften things up so this ANGEL can meet
her Father.
This baby is a spitting image of you Charles….the nose,the eyes…your blood strong

Rihanna Shares Pic Of Herself With No Panties On (Photo)

 

 

Rihanna sure never gets tired of showing off her bod.
She recently tweeted a picture of herself wearing a T-shirt and nothing underneath (according to a very perv’y reader who decided to do some more digging).
Check out the pictures below:

Okada Rider To Death While Trying to Escape Police Arrest

 

Angry commercial motorcyclists, popularly called, Okada riders, went on rampage yesterday evening in Akowonjo area of Alimosho Local Government when an okada rider was crushed to death by a fast moving truck at Akowonjo roundabout when he tried to flee from Police men who wanted to arrest him for no reason.
The incident occurred around 6pm. The victim, Rahman is a tailor, who used to run okada business in the evening. He is said to be 27years old. A pic of him when you continue. Viewers discretion is advised.

PHOTOS: Pictures Of Fashion Blunders

 

Fashion is cyclical. Trends come and go, many of them to be resurrected in 20 years and then forgotten again until the next go-round.
On the other hand, there are awful dead fashion outfits people wear that should never be seen again, but some have insisted on lingering well past their expiration dates. If you actually wear any of these outfits below or if you’ve stashed them in your closet, waiting for the moment they make a comeback, please, do yourself a favor and get rid of them immediately.

My Husband Does Not Last Long In Bed And Now I’m Sleeping With My Ex

Hello, please post this as you might just be helping me save my future.
My name is Tayo. I’m 25 and might be getting married in December, if only I will say yes to my man.
He’s 31 by the way, but I told him I was going to think about it. To cut the story short, I’m really scared of getting married to him because I wouldn’t want to cheat on my husband. This guy is not even a one minute man when it comes to sex. He is a 5 seconds person. I’ve complained severally and he has tried to take all kinds of drugs to make him last but they don’t work.
Whenever we are ready to get down and he is inside me, he just thrusts for 5 seconds and that’s it. Then he leaves me wanting and he can’t go a second round because his body can’t do it. There was a time I was so horny, I had to go meet my ex and yes he made me feel like a woman. But with my soon to be hubby I don’t feel that way. He does not smooch me, he just goes straight in and then everything is over in a blink. I’m just frustrated and I need advice because he has tried basically every solution including Viagra, but the after effect was bad.
How can I be a faithful wife after I get married to this guy when he can’t even satisfy my urge? What should I do?